Terminator: Say Wha??!!

Terminator: Salvation

Opens tomorrow, May 21, 2009 | Runtime:2 hr. 10 min.
PG-13: intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action and language

They're baaaaaack. We've now caught up to the future the first movies were talking about. It's bleak. Stark. Harsh. Almost totally devoid of color. Grim. The Machines are winning and Man is definitely an endangered species.

Christian Bale is the now adult John Conner. I admit to not having seen all the previous Terminators, so I don't know if Linda Hamilton was offed in a previous one, but she's not here now. She's left John advice, words of encouragement, her last remaining fragments of knowledge about the Machines and Skynet on a set of cassette tapes (totally couldn't help but thinking of the Fortress of Solitude and Jor-El's messages for Kal-El). So really, no iPod? No webcam that she could have recorded these with? Cassette tapes? Where the hell can anyone even find a tape recorder anymore? Totally did not make any sense. It's like they were still filming this back in the '80s!

And so, even though it's visually quite the thrill ride, don't look at the plot too closely (Plot, what plot?!) and there are quite a few devices that just don't work or make any sense. And there's a HUGE one at the end that basically just killed the movie for me. I can suspend belief for Terminators, the world being taken over by thinking machines, cyborgs, the Rebel Alliance... oops, I mean Resistance... but then they cross even that line. Fortunately, it is at the very end. But I had to literally bite my tongue to keep from crying out "Give me a fucking BREAK!" I did groan. And it was SO cliche. Painful. PAINFUL!!! Ouch - I'm still smarting from it.

And while I LOVE Bryce Dallas Howard, she's hardly seen and it's like they've already written the next sequel. That seems to be her role, to help with plot points for the next one. Weird.

There is a fun "appearance" by the Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger. Don't worry, he never left Sac-town. Total CGI. Wonder how he feels about his portrayal... and, uh, "wardrobe"!!

My overall review: if you love action, blow 'em up, big guns and explosions, and think that plots just get in the way of a freakin' awesome movie - then this should win an Oscar! If, however, you're not powered entirely by testosterone and like things to, oh I don't know, make sense, then this might not be your cuppa.